Idling at TFS while a typhoon's approaching

The weather today looked lovely though. Sunshine, cool breeze, and I was in absolutely no hurry.

Suddenly blue. Did someone put a new patch here?

The flowers have come back!

Birgitte's pots are blooming again. Regeneration, renewal, life is fragile, but it also refuses to leave too easily.

Going to Cheung Chau

I took Nouwen's Genesee Diary, a pen and a notebook with me to Cheung Chau, in the hope that I would have a quiet time reading and writing. But the summer heat proved unrelenting despite the after-rain coolness. I only read a couple of pages during lunch. The rest of my Cheung Chau trip was dedicated to nothing but walking and sightseeing.

My trip was delayed but pleasantly so. I met a visitor from Danmark at TFS in the Friday Morning Eucharist and took him to Shatin after breakfast. We then went to coffee and had a good time chatting.

Reading Nouwen's book was like looking at the mirror and seeing what you didn't like seeing. I felt an urge to be on my own so that there was no longer any need to pretend to be more cheerful, humourous or happy. There was also no need to hide my sulkiness or disappointment towards life in general. The feeling of having failed dominated my heart and there was no longer any space for others.

I didn't walk far because of the heat. The beach under the glaring sun wasn't welcoming. There weren't any swimmers except for a man with his dogs swimming outside of the assigned areas. They probably had to stay at the margin as dogs were not allowed on the beach. Since there wasn't any real shade to protect me, I could but only stay for a very short while, listening to the sea while fanning myself with a fan from the Philippines.

Pak Tai Temple

At the entrance of Pak Tai Temple

Walking aimlessly, I found Pak Tai Temple and walked in. It looked colourful, much more colourful than its 200 plus years of history would suggest. The woman who sold incense there told me it had been renovated. She tried to get me buy some and seeing that I wasn't interested, ceased to answer my questions. A few minutes later, two tourists came. She asked them for donation. Interesting.

Pak Tai Temple was the coolest area I could find on Cheung Chau. A pity that I couldn't get a seat and meditate there. It seemed such a nice place to have a quiet time. And since not much incense was burned, there wasn't any problem with the air there.

I felt that I was trying to run away from something. But it's impossible to run away from myself. If I wanted to stop my shadow from following me, I had to go somewhere where there's no light. But did I really want to be in complete darkness? I longed to get out and yet the summer heat put me in such a difficult position. Should I continue to walk on or should I return?

Prayer, holy reading, and work

These are the three activities of monastic life according to the rule of St Benedict.

What has drawn me to these is Henri Nouwen's diary in the seven months when he lived the life of a Trappist monk.

Prayer, holy reading, and work.

I spent my afternoon with Christa, my friend who's trying to learn say the liturgy and the Lord's prayer in Cantonese. Shortly before we parted, I mentioned the need to structure my days in a more organized manner. I was having in mind these three activities of the Trappist monks.

There is a great temptation to just let my days pass. But there is also a desire to spend them in a way that can bring me closer to God.

I don't have a clue what I can do.

Maybe I need someone wise to be my guidance.

I would love to spend a day each week without doing any work, and without thinking about work. Maybe I can do a little psychogeography once a week. Maybe I can go to places where I have never visited before.

But the summer heat lingers on. Is it a real hindrance or my excuse?

Should I go to Cheung Chau after the Friday Morning Eucharist tomorrow?

I need space; I need air, the air of freedom that has no worry in it.

Let's see what comes to me tommorow.